A moment please
One moment please..., a moment for myself to reflect, upon my life, upon my whole self, upon my doings. How have life around me affected me? How have the people influenced me to where I am today?
Since young, I was such a jerk..., yeah... a jerk. Selfish or what, arrogant or what, short temper or what.... But have I changed since then? I thought maybe... yeah... maybe that part of me is still inside me. KG once said that she preferred herself some four years ago and she didn't want to see herself to be the 'now her'. I was sad when I heard that. Then, I realised that she is not actually seeing the whole thing, in fact none can really see. She did improve a lot since we first met but at the very core, she's still the same person I know four years ago. I realise, no one can really change who he/she is, cos at the very core, it's still us we are talking about. The chinese has a saying, '江山易改，本性难移'. Our very true nature may well still reside in us no matter how much we change.
Then you may ask, what's the point of changing then? For a better life? If changing what I am can lead me to a happier life, I dun mind. Myself is myself, but we do can make a conscious effort to change our behaviour and thinking. KG may have said that she would be much happier if she dun change, but I have seen everyone, including her, suffering when she was still 'her'. She said that now people began to take her for granted, just cos she has changed, but didn't she take everyone for granted once too? I too take people granted at times... but now I really wanna appreciate the people around me. That's probably one reason why I changed.
Of course there'll be people who will still see you as you are before you change. My ex-classmates do, I can sense it. Maybe the changes weren't that obvious but I think that sometimes Im just an outsider to them. They seem to been through quite a lot of things together, sharing a lot of stuff between them. Quite sad, cos it happens everywhere I go but I still constantly make an effort to catch up with everyone. We should, no matter how people treat us.
University life- another phase of my life is starting soon. People do get excited, me too. Once again, it's gonna be a change to me. I can feel that a whole chunk of experience will befall upon me. I'm looking forward to it. I know I am.... then.... I realise that 18 July is coming soon. How fast time flies (makes me think of our 'superman'). It's gonna be that day again. A year ago I promised to let it go, but I still haven't. I know I have to cos it will never belong to me. It was an impossible venture in the beginning. I did try but given the obstacles around me, I wanna start things anew in NUS, and hopefully be able to find the very one eventually. I still agree to turn up, dun know why.... It has been quite hard on me, I know... Would the very one be another fluke, another mistake, another one whom I treated as a replacement? What is really my true feeling? Maybe it's still elusive to me, maybe I have never known what is my true feelings.....
Since young, I was such a jerk..., yeah... a jerk. Selfish or what, arrogant or what, short temper or what.... But have I changed since then? I thought maybe... yeah... maybe that part of me is still inside me. KG once said that she preferred herself some four years ago and she didn't want to see herself to be the 'now her'. I was sad when I heard that. Then, I realised that she is not actually seeing the whole thing, in fact none can really see. She did improve a lot since we first met but at the very core, she's still the same person I know four years ago. I realise, no one can really change who he/she is, cos at the very core, it's still us we are talking about. The chinese has a saying, '江山易改，本性难移'. Our very true nature may well still reside in us no matter how much we change.
Then you may ask, what's the point of changing then? For a better life? If changing what I am can lead me to a happier life, I dun mind. Myself is myself, but we do can make a conscious effort to change our behaviour and thinking. KG may have said that she would be much happier if she dun change, but I have seen everyone, including her, suffering when she was still 'her'. She said that now people began to take her for granted, just cos she has changed, but didn't she take everyone for granted once too? I too take people granted at times... but now I really wanna appreciate the people around me. That's probably one reason why I changed.
Of course there'll be people who will still see you as you are before you change. My ex-classmates do, I can sense it. Maybe the changes weren't that obvious but I think that sometimes Im just an outsider to them. They seem to been through quite a lot of things together, sharing a lot of stuff between them. Quite sad, cos it happens everywhere I go but I still constantly make an effort to catch up with everyone. We should, no matter how people treat us.
University life- another phase of my life is starting soon. People do get excited, me too. Once again, it's gonna be a change to me. I can feel that a whole chunk of experience will befall upon me. I'm looking forward to it. I know I am.... then.... I realise that 18 July is coming soon. How fast time flies (makes me think of our 'superman'). It's gonna be that day again. A year ago I promised to let it go, but I still haven't. I know I have to cos it will never belong to me. It was an impossible venture in the beginning. I did try but given the obstacles around me, I wanna start things anew in NUS, and hopefully be able to find the very one eventually. I still agree to turn up, dun know why.... It has been quite hard on me, I know... Would the very one be another fluke, another mistake, another one whom I treated as a replacement? What is really my true feeling? Maybe it's still elusive to me, maybe I have never known what is my true feelings.....
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