Showing posts from July, 2010

Nothing about feeling

I was just musing over this issue of our own feelings and emotions. Consider this: you watch this movie, and something happens in the movie which touches you a lot and you can't stop tearing. Consider another scenario: you are worshipping in service and suddenly there was an influx of emotions, and you just can't hold back your tears. Consider yet another possibility: someone close to you passed away and something just makes you grieve and grieve. Of course, there will be times when we can't stop laughing, can't stop being joyful, can't stop screaming, can't stop shouting, etc.

The question: why do we 'feel' these ways?

The idea of emotions and feelings is perhaps an uniquely humanly idea. We respond emotionally to all things possible under the sun. Dogs and cats may display emotions but only towards what their instincts permit them. But human beings can laugh at stupid things that have nothing to do with them. For example, I just lost my composure and…

What we commit

That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day. - 2 Tim 1:12

The issue of commitment to cause is a pertinent issue in the world. We are often told to be committed in our relationships, in our work, in our studies, in our endeavours. But we are often found wanting in this area of life called committment for various reasons. It is difficult to be commit when a thousand things seem to be falling all over you and demand your priorities. At this stage, there is this layer of consideration called 'feelings'. Questions come in: 'I can't commit cos there is no feeling', 'I can't feel my faith calling me to commit', 'I dun feel like committing' etc etc etc.

But let's go back to another fundamental issue: the cross. When we come face to face with the truth of the crucification of Christ, we are presented with a choice to…
A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor’s for a physical.
The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, ’’Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?’’

And the man says, ’’Oh me and God? We’re tight. We have a real bond, he’s good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off.’’

Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished.

He called the man’s wife and said, ’’I’d like to speak to you about your husband’s connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?’’

And she says, ’’That idiot, he’s been peeing in the refrigerator!’’

Sung in the tune of "Yesterday"

All those backups seemed a waste of pay,
Now my database has gone away,
Oh I believe in yesterday.
There´s not half the files there used to be,
And there’s a millstone hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.
I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now all my data’s gone
And I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.
The need for backups seemed so far away,
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday."

Being a worshipper

Last Saturday was my first time serving as a guitarist on stage. I played the electric guitar for praise and acoustic guitar for worship. Surprisingly, I was not as nervous as I thought I would be, although I did make as much mistakes as I knew I would. I thoroughly enjoyed myself on stage and I realised that it was easy for myself to be carried away in the midst of playing.

But a few thoughts about playing in the worship team. It is indeed a privilege to play on stage for God as a worship musician. There are several layers to this. Firstly, stating the obvious, one must prepare himself to be competent enough to play on stage. This is one criteria that a lot of people meet but most people dun. How many times have we seen people learning guitar and then find themselves giving up and not following through with what they have learned? I have seen people admiring the skills of other people and yet never taking steps to improve themselves. Time may be the issue, but if it takes ten years,…

It all happens from the 1950s...

In the 1950's kids lost their innocence. They were liberated from their parents by well paying jobs, cars, and lyrics and music that gave rise to a new term of the generation gap.

In the 1960's kids lost their authority. It was the decade of protest, church, state, parents, were all called into question and found wanting. Their authority was rejected, yet nothing ever replaced it.
In the 1970's kids lost their love. It was a decade of me-isms, dominated by hyphenated words beginning with self: self-esteem, self-image, self-worth, self-assertion, it made for a lonely world; kids learned everything there was to know about sex, but forgot everything there was to know about love. No one had the nerve to tell them that there was a difference.
In the 1980's kids lost their hope; stripped of innocence, authority and love, plagued by the horror of a nuclear nightmare, a large and growing number of this generation stopped believing in the future.
In the 1990's kids lost the…

The Paradoxical Commandments

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.

Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.

Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.
The union workers at the Federal Mint went on strike today. They are demanding to make less money!

"Why does a woman work ten years to change a man´s habits and then complain that he´s not the man she married?"
--- Barbara Streisand

Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that´s not at all true. I have the heart of a young boy. ...In a jar.... On my desk.
--- Steven King

A skydiving lesson

All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.

One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"

Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."
Things Adults Learn From Kids:
- There is no such thing as child-proofing your house - they will find a way to get in

- A 4 years-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Snoopy underwear and a Superman cape.

- It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

- The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

- When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it’s already too late.

- A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

- A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

- If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes.

- A king size waterbed holds enough water to f…
They say when you play that Microsoft CD backward you can hear satanic messages ... but that's nothing. If you play it forward it will install Windows.

Gospel and Glitz - why the church?

"Critics worry that Jesus may be lost in the razzmatazz but growing megachurches fill vast auditoriums every Sunday with their showbiz take on Christianity. And as the big churches become bigger, the small are becoming smaller and more numerous..."The Saturday Strait Times published a special report on the growth of megachurches. Wenjiang mentioned it in service when he was preaching and commented that it is not saying anything good about Christians (or something to that effect). His main point to challenge us to be salt and light and glorify God through our deeds, so that people will praise our Father in heaven. But I dun think it's a bad report overall, as it directly addresses the question of church growth and the issue of megachurches and small churches in Singapore. It asked the right questions on some part but failed to see a correct perspective on other parts. If the two journalists (Lee Siew Hua and Susan Long) who reported this are Christians, then they are prop…

The ministry of ushering

Many people in church (or rather in our congregation) have expressed interested and joined ushering recently. As a result of our recent recruitment, the Uni-YA usher ministry has grown into a 40 plus strong ministry (literally the largest ministry in the whole congregation) with 4 teams serving once per month. I have thought long and hard about this ministry: what is it that I want to stay in this ministry for so long while I have seen people coming and leaving for the past 4 years, going off to serve in other ministries?

More importantly in this question is how ushering fits into the whole picture? Truth be told, the bible says nuts about usher ministry. Conversely, it's the ministry of worship and preaching etc that's being explicity stated out in the bible. So now how? Does that mean that ushering remains at the periphery of all services and ministries? What are the main guiding principles behind this ministry? I might well be the first one to ever formulate a real theologi…
My nine-year-old nephew, Phillip, was a ringbearer in my wedding. At the wedding rehearsal, the singer asked when she should begin singing. The pastor answered, "After the vows." She asked: "What are the vows? I'll need a cue." Phillip compounded the confusion as he explained: "The vowels are A-E-I-O-U. There is no Q!"
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1) For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2) Every time they painted new lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
3) Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4) Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5) Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you boug…
You'll Know It's a No-Frills Airline If:

1. They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.

2. All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.

3. Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.

4. If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back.

5. You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.

6. Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.

7. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.

8. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.

9. The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.

10. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez, "Just once."

11. No movie. Don't need one.

12. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.

13. You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.

14. All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.
These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country:

- My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

- Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

- Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

- Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

- Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()’s were crossed out.]

- Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

- Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

- I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wears.

- Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

- Sally won’t be in school a week from F…
An old man strode into his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you’ve been giving to Mrs. Smith."

"Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor’s orders?"

The old man says, "Since he found out I’ve been on birth control pills since February."

Where faith met its reasons

Finally, I think it's time to sit down and mull through this topic which I have been holding on for a while. Some of my readers have been anticipating this also.

A few months ago, I contemplated about the issue of faith and reason and presented a few posts on my preliminary thoughts and views. Even before this, sometime last year, I wrote three posts about the same topics. In Post 1, to recap, I argued the case that we need to be thinking Christians and not just Christians who just simply listens to what we are told without working out the logic ourselves. In other words, it's our call to be theologically rigorous about our faith. In Post 2, I questioned the possibility of faith and reason co-existing together. In summary, my case built upon the fact that reason has brought certain people to Christ. In Post 3, I qualified that faith has to be built upon the experiential evidence, and not just the intellectual evidences as per se.

As I re-visited this issue, I was struck by t…
More things you would never know without the movies:

- Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.

- A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK stadium.

- Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

- It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

- When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

- No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion …
Productive Salesmanship ...
The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.

Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said. "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. "$2,467.00" he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Joh…

This is nice....

Female Seminars
by Males

1. Elementary Map Reading

2. Crying and Law Enforcement

3. Advanced Math Seminar: Programming Your VCR

4. You CAN Go Shopping for Less than 4 Hours

5. Gaining Five Pounds vs. The End of the World: A Study in Contrast

6. The Seven-Outfit Week

7. PMS: It’s YOUR Problem, Not Mine "It’s Happened Monthly Since Puberty....... Deal With it"

8. Driving I: Getting Past Automatic Transmissions

9. Driving II: The Meaning of Blinking Orange Lights

10. Driving III: Approximating a Constant Speed

11. Driving IV: Makeup and Driving: It’s As Simple As Oil and Water

12. Football: Not a Game: A Sacrament

13. Telephone Translations: formerly titled "’Me Too’ Equals I Love You"

14. How to Earn Your Own Money

15. Gift-giving Fundamentals: formerly titled "Fabric Bad, Electronics Good"

16. Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side

17. Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry

18. Yes, You Can Fill Up At A Self Serve Sta…
The American Dairy Association was so successful with its "Got Milk?" campaign, that it was decided to extend the ads to Mexico. Unfortunately, the Spanish translation was "Are you lactating?"

Electrolux, a Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer, used this ad in the U.S.: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."

Colgate introduced a toothpaste called "Cue" in France, but it turned out to be the same name as a well-known porno magazine.

Coors Beers put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."

Chicken magnate Frank Perdue’s line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."

A hair products company, Clairol, introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that mist is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the manu…
A vacuum salesman appeared at the door of an old lady's cottage and, without allowing the woman to speak, rushed into the living room and threw a large bag of dirt all over her clean carpet. He said, "If this new vacuum doesn't pick up every bit of dirt then I'll eat all the dirt."

The woman, who by this time was losing her patience, said, "Sir, if I had enough money to buy that thing, I would have paid my electricity bill before they cut it off. Now, what would you prefer, a spoon or a knife and fork?"
Things we know because of TV!

- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day any time of the year.

- All grocery shopping bags contain at least one loaf of French bread.

- The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a pretty nurse cleans his wounds.

- When paying for a taxi, never look at your money. Just pull out a bill or two and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

- If a killer is lurking in your house, it’s easy to find him. Just relax and run a bat…
- If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
- If the day before a holiday is called Christmas Eve, is the day after Christmas Adam?
- If there were a knowledge contest, would the female winner be called Miss Informed?
- If a terminator is someone who kills, shouldn’t an exterminator be the opposite?
- If there’s an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
- If rabbits’ feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
- If anything’s possible, then is it possible that nothing’s possible?
- If Practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, then why practice?
- If Americans throw rice at weddings, do the Chinese throw hamburgers?
- If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
- If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would he make a sound and would anyone care?
- If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can’t find himself?
- If the cops arrest a mim…
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
The Laws of the Workplace
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

If you are good, you…
Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the centre of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green.

The third guy got up and randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. …
Serious Mistake
It seems that a young man volunteered for military service during World War II. He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola Naval Air Station, skipping recruit training.

The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.

On his first day aboard, he took off and singlehandedly shot down 6 Japanese fighter planes. Then climbing up to 20,000 feet, he found 9 more Japanese planes and shot them all down as well.

Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the nearby carrier and came in for a perfect landing on the deck.

He threw back the canopy, climbed out and jogged over to the captain. Saluting smartly he said,

"Well sir, how did I do on my very first day?"

The captain turned around, bowed politely, and replied, "You make only one velly, velly selious mistake."

The Penguins: Busking in the limelight

Mattew 6:28-30 - "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith

Sometimes, we go through stuff and we know that God is working throughout the way.

Sometime in February, during the unit reunion dinner after the Friday service, we were discussing how to raise the money for CBF as a unit. Earlier the week, we were discussing this over email and WQ smartly suggested busking... and I (being funny) supported the idea... and 老板娘took our suggestion seriously. And in the end, but me and WQ were put in charge of leading the busking team.

The preparation was tough. We had to decide who we wanted to be in the team. Secondly, we had to choose the songs we want to sing. Thirdly, we need to…
Here’s a dilemma...
With all your honor and dignity, what would you do? Please don’t answer without giving it serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line- this is important for the test to work accurately.

You’re in Florida... in Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a news photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You’re trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power.

Suddenly you see a man in the water, fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and m…
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!"
Arrogant flight controller
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206":

Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."

Ground: "Guten Morgen. You vill taxi to your gate."

The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): Yes, I have, actually, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but just …
One day this guy was sitting at this bar in Chicago and looks over and sees this guy that looks exactly like him. He says to the guy,
- "Hey you look just like me!"

The other man agrees and asks,
- "Where are you from?"

The first guy answers,
- "Chicago."

- "Me too!" says the second guy, "What street do you live on?"

- "Forty-Ninth Street," answers the first guy.

- "Me too!" says the second guy, becoming increasingly excited. "What’s your address?"
- "951"

- "Me too! Wow, this is incredible! What are your parents’ names?"

- "John and Cathy," says the first guy.

- "Me too!" shouts the second guy. "I wonder if we’re related!?"

Meanwhile, the bartenders are changing shifts and the guy coming on asks if anything is new.
"No," says the first bartender, "just the Smith twins, drunk again."
- Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn’t usually wear any pants?
- Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
- Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn’t it be leaving a dump?
- Why are they called goose bumps? Do geese get people bumps?
- Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?
- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
- Why do people say, "you’ve been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day?
- Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
- Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
- Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you’re standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn’t you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?
- Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn’t be m…
Two Envelopes
An accountant spends a week at his new office with the accountant he is replacing. On the last day the departing accountant tells him that he has left two envelopes in the desk drawer and that the envelope number 1 should be opened if he ever encounters any sort of crisis in the job and envelope number 2 if a further crisis occurs.

Three months down the track there is a major drama, all the accounts are wrong - the usual stuff - and the accountant feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and finds and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "blame me!" He does this and gets off the hook.

Three months later at his next crisis he opens the second envelope.

The message inside says "Write two envelopes".
A man, down on his luck, went into a church which catered to the "uppity". Spotting the man's dirty clothes a deacon, worried about the churches image, went to the man and asked him if he needed help. The man said, "I was praying and the Lord told me to come to this church."

The deacon suggested that the man go pray some more and possibly he might get a different answer. The next Sunday the man returned. The deacon asked, "Did you get a different answer?"

The man replied, "Yes I did. I told the Lord that they don't want me in that church and the Lord said, 'Don't worry about it son; I've been trying to get into that church for years and haven't made it yet."

This appears in the comments for my previous post

It is written: A woman shall compass a man and create a new thing in the earth (Jer 31:22), the man is Satan(Isa 14:16), the new thing is turning the hearts of the fathers to the children. Satan has deceived the whole world (Rev 12:7), until the heel of time(Gen 3:15). Check out the website that is the bruising of Satan. Proverbs 18:13 He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. Prove all things. or
It is my practice to comment a few words on the comments which I reject for my blog. In this case, I dun know why this comment appears in a post which is meant to be a joke. My theory is that it is a spam or some desperado is desperately trying to spread his the name of his website. In any case, val (name of the person commenting this), dun do this again. It simply lowers the credibility of your website.

I'm not sure if this is true...

Darwin Award Winner 1997
You all know about the Darwin Awards - It’s an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing/injuring themselves in the
most extraordinarily stupid way.

The 1995 winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

In 1996 the winner was an air force sergeant who attached a JATO (rocket) unit to his car and crashed into a cliff several hundred feet above the roadbed.

And now, the 1997 winner: Larry Waters of Los Angeles -- one of the few Darwin winners to survive his award-winning accomplishment.

Larry’s boyhood dream was to fly. When he graduated from high school, he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot. Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him. When he was finally discharged, he had to satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard.

One day, Larry, had a bright idea. He decided to fly. He went to the local Army-N…