Of detachment and matriculation

I was reading some of my friends' blogs recently. It just seems that sometimes the ultimate suffering and pain a person can ever face in his own walk in life is loneliness. I strongly believe that man is made by God as a social creation. That's why God created Eve for Adam. Man is meant to socialise with Man. I strongly believe that. Therefore hell happens when loneliness sets in. In the Bible, hell is separation or banishment from God himself, it's the ultimate saddest thing someone can ever experience in his entire life. Have you ever tried living in a forest with just yourself? Well, magnify that feeling by 1/0 times and you get the feeling of hell.

But of course, the situation I'm talking about here is not hell, but it's about the detachment of oneself from the people around him, it's the inability to relate with the people around you, or the tendency to start thinking that people are wasting your time and you ought to be spending time the way you want it. It's the feeling that you have no one else with you and no one else who can understand you. For me, it's still not the worst, since I know there is God whom I can always turn to no matter where I am, or what state I'm in.

I can never imagine myself in such a state of detachment though. I started out my NUS life building upon a strong friendship that I started some one year ago. I came into NUS confident that I will make new friends that will last even after I graduate. I came into NUS with the mindset that I will not be found holding my degree on my convo day, looking around me to see only faces I can recognise but not know personally. I found the group of people whom I can continue to build relations upon some one year ago, and it would defeat all purposes if I suddenly detach myself from this group of people. The same group of people is the same group who brought me to make the most important decision in my life, and is also the same group that has been with me during the ups and downs for the past one year. It is in this group where I found myself growing a lot more.

It is in this sentiment that I can never understand why people choose to detach themselves from any community. I can never understand why results matter more than the people around them. Although I'm also a result-oriented person, I believe in friendship more than in results. I dun want to be found graduating from NUS with a first class honours but with no friends at all. I would rather find myself graduating with a third class honour but with the support of the people around me, knowing that they will be there for me if I would just ask (not to say that I'm going for a third class, I still believe in excelling for God). It's not to say, though that I dun understand the sentiment that I feel detached from a group. For a moment, I really felt detached from my JC class, primarily because there was a time when I could no longer communicate with them and the value system became so detached. I found that there is no click in the class, at least from what I see. It was a struggle that I faced that time. But of course, God can do wonders. I still sometimes feel detached but no longer feel contempt for such detachment. I still want to meet them as often as possible, provided that my schedule permits.

Matriculation is coming soon. Very soon, the new freshmen are coming in (in fact they are already in) and it would be an exciting matriculation season. And a busy one too. I have been helping out with the Alpha team in providing logistic and equipment support for the MM the past few days and has been involved in campus tours and doing the deco for the Alpha too. Seeing the freshmen, they always reminded me of myself when I was at their stage. Some are confused, some are lost. I did took effort to get myself familiarised with the system before I start my school but it would not have been possible without guidance from other seniors. I think this is where friendships can be nurtured (I'm not talking about BGR, bGr maybe). I met some interesting freshmen and some are responsive towards friendship too. It can be a good start to a new academic year. I'm looking forward to the Alpha, cos it would be exciting. After being involved in the production of the MM, I highly anticipate the Alpha events to come (too bad, dun ask me, I will not spoil the surprise).

Certainly, it's the season. The season is exciting, I just can't wait. Meanwhile, I must not drink too much coffee, for it induces sleeplessness late at night.

Late at night I fail to fall asleep and that accounts for this post.


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