The mystery of loneliness II

http://naynauh.blogspot.com/2008/01/mystery-of-loneliness.html

2 plus years back, I posted some thoughts on the mystery of loneliness. Indeed, this is not an easy topic to tackle for a Christian. The very core issue for most of us is that God promises us that He will be with us always, and yet we feel lonely.

After serving in church for so many years, perhaps I can say that loneliness is an inevitable part of serving. And I am not mincing my words nor am I kidding. I have come to realise that the loneliest person is the person who does the will of God wholeheartedly, and by that I am sure I am not only referring to myself. And of course, I am not sure how generalised this statement is. But I really feel that those who really believe in the cause of the church are lonely in their pursuit and their service to God.

This sounds strange but this is the result of a reflection I was doing on the bus just earlier. It is easy to say that someone who serve and believe in God's Great Commission and devote his whole life to serve God (this someone will inevitably be someone who is a leader generally) will have a lot of friends around, will know a lot of people, will receive a lot of affirmation during birthdays and special occasions, will have a lot of meeting and meet a lot of people for fellowship. Think about him who is leading a group of people who face their own struggles and have enough on their hands that to consider going the extra mile is a monumental struggle in its own right. Think about it, how many people will most likely respond should I ever share a teaching or do a discussion on why we should be going out there to be more concerned about the lost instead of staying in our room blogging and writing all these nonsense about loneliness?

The man who serves God wholeheartedly is lonely indeed. To put it in a more real sense, I need to admit that I do feel lonely at times when I am serving God. I can kneel down and pray and pray and pray, but there is this inexplicable loneliness that continually haunt me. It is a feeling that I am sure most people would feel, the feeling that comes from giving and giving and giving and yet no one ever understands, or at least no one seems to understand. This is not the fault of God nor the fault of the church. On deeper reflection, it reflects a yearning for understanding, for someone to empathise and share the vision, for someone who can run the race together. Running marathon alone is one of the most horrendous experience. I do that every year. Yet, every year when I run, I see people who run the marathon together, and they strive to finish the marathon together despite the fact they may be running slowly.

Perhaps that may explain why sometimes people who have served God fervently before decided to call it quit. The loneliness may be too hard to bear. Didn't Jesus also have to suffer the same loneliness, at Gethsamane? But yet not my will, Yours be done, Jesus prayed. And yet not my will but Yours be done, I will pray.

Amen

Comments

  1. Just a thought. What's wrong with exploring a potential BGR at this point in time? Maybe she could be a helper suitable for you. =)

    Why not go ahead (after praying, that is)? If it's God's will, He'll let it come to pass... if it's not, He'll let you know.

    I think there's always the danger of (to borrow a phrase from Ps Jeff) becoming so spiritual that even the Holy Spirit can't speak to us! ;)

    Hee. Just my ten-cents' worth (probably inflated already haha).

    ReplyDelete
  2. That, at the end, is not the root of the issue.

    ReplyDelete

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