5 years on
It is hard to imagine that I have been on this journey for 5 years. As I think back, it was really funny. I remember blogging (and you can still find the post here in this blog) that the content of my blog will not change. And it changed, dramatically. I remember saying that I will remain true to some of my commitments, and those were the least of my priorities today.
What exactly has 5 years done to me, this I cannot fathom. It is like the marathon that I recently ran (again). I was excited and had a good run in the first few km. Then the distance became longer as I progressed on. Circumstances changed and my mindset changed too. Likewise, I cannot fathom what 5 years of walking in the faith has done in my heart. Things were not as rosy as one might imagine to be. To those who are given more, more will be expected. I would like to think of myself being someone who is being given more, first with financial support and good results, then with a good job with comfortable pay and flexible working hours. Given more, so that I can serve Him more...
But these are not exactly the things I would have thought myself doing right from the beginning. I might as well imagine myself doing my own stuff, while just doing the weekly routine thing - attend cg and service.
Not all these things I'm doing now, I expected to do from the start.
And yet 5 years have passed. I have changed cg many times, more so over the past two years. I have taken on many responsibilities in church, and have done a lot of things. I have seen fruits, both good and bad in my life and other people's lives. I have seen successes and failures in discipleship. I have suffered from disappointment, and also enjoyed the fellowship. I have even entertained thoughts of leaving the church but with each victory of that, I found no reasonable reason to do so,. I take care of sheep spiritually older than me and new believers as well. Over a period of 5 years, I accumulated biblical knowledge, perhaps much more than people who have been around longer. And yet, I still feel inadequate sometimes.
This 5 year journey is by no means an easy one, though I have hoped that it is the case. It is neither that difficult. Learning to trust is one important lesson that we need to learn. And this is one lesson that a lot of people fail to learn. Or they learn to abuse the lesson.
I just wonder how life would have been different if not for this 5 years. I wonder how would I be like? Perhaps still wandering out there without even discovering the purpose of life? Perhaps bumming around or maybe still working in the office because I have nothing better to do? Or maybe going out and party and in the meantime indulging in things that I should not be.
It is difficult to imagine and think about it, and I certainly would not want to go through that now.
5 years and it will continue to accumulate...
What exactly has 5 years done to me, this I cannot fathom. It is like the marathon that I recently ran (again). I was excited and had a good run in the first few km. Then the distance became longer as I progressed on. Circumstances changed and my mindset changed too. Likewise, I cannot fathom what 5 years of walking in the faith has done in my heart. Things were not as rosy as one might imagine to be. To those who are given more, more will be expected. I would like to think of myself being someone who is being given more, first with financial support and good results, then with a good job with comfortable pay and flexible working hours. Given more, so that I can serve Him more...
But these are not exactly the things I would have thought myself doing right from the beginning. I might as well imagine myself doing my own stuff, while just doing the weekly routine thing - attend cg and service.
Not all these things I'm doing now, I expected to do from the start.
And yet 5 years have passed. I have changed cg many times, more so over the past two years. I have taken on many responsibilities in church, and have done a lot of things. I have seen fruits, both good and bad in my life and other people's lives. I have seen successes and failures in discipleship. I have suffered from disappointment, and also enjoyed the fellowship. I have even entertained thoughts of leaving the church but with each victory of that, I found no reasonable reason to do so,. I take care of sheep spiritually older than me and new believers as well. Over a period of 5 years, I accumulated biblical knowledge, perhaps much more than people who have been around longer. And yet, I still feel inadequate sometimes.
This 5 year journey is by no means an easy one, though I have hoped that it is the case. It is neither that difficult. Learning to trust is one important lesson that we need to learn. And this is one lesson that a lot of people fail to learn. Or they learn to abuse the lesson.
I just wonder how life would have been different if not for this 5 years. I wonder how would I be like? Perhaps still wandering out there without even discovering the purpose of life? Perhaps bumming around or maybe still working in the office because I have nothing better to do? Or maybe going out and party and in the meantime indulging in things that I should not be.
It is difficult to imagine and think about it, and I certainly would not want to go through that now.
5 years and it will continue to accumulate...
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