The Right Person Myth II

Are you the person whom the person you are looking for is looking for?

Just thought that my previous post missed out some caveats that I should fill in. I have met several people who questioned me last time when can we tell that we are ready for relationship? Does it mean that we need to be financially stable before we are ready? Does it mean that we need to have a stable career first? I have not really been able to answer these questions but now I shall give it a try.

I think I will start off from the premise that our present, which will be our past, will come back to haunt us in the future. That means that our history and track records matter a lot. I figure that most of our preparation work to be the right person will most of the time deal with our past baggages. This brings to me a new look into the verse that says 'Do not conform any longer to the patterns of the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind'. Most of us, unless we grow up in a monastery, grow up in the world and we see and hear things which influence us, whether we realise it or not. You see, when we say 'Yes' at the altar during the big day (I have only seen it so far, yet to experience it myself), we make a promise to our spouses to take care of them etc etc etc... all those vows and I am sure we will all mean it when the time comes. However, saying yes doesn't mean it cancels all our past track records, which will not affect our lives.

Take for example, if we have not been managing our own finances well as a single, meaning we get into a lot of credit card debts, we spend more than we earn every month, we gamble away our money at 4D and lottery, we will have no business to say that we have the capability to take care of our families and be responsible with our finances without dealing with the issue at all. Take another example, which may be more applicable to girls, if all along we have been using our bodies to fish for affections, then the ones who will take the bait are those who are looking for... 'bodies'... And for girls, the bad news for you is that a guy who goes for such things will get on another one once a better bait comes along. So in this case, the preparation is really the renewing of our mind to understand that we 'bait' with godly characters (I'm actually quoting this from a podcast I heard recently but this is said as a tongue in cheek).

Take another example, if all along we are unable to be patient and self-controlled, what makes us think that once we are married to the 'right person', things will change? A good case study comes in the form of my father. According to my mother, he likes to watch television and they quarreled a few times because of this. Apparently, today, he has a large screen HDTV mounted on his room wall and a laptop streaming serial dramas and he can watch both at the same time. I can never match his multi-tasking skill. This is a good case on 'changes' before and after marriage... nil. Likewise, if I can't be patient with the girl I like at this moment, what makes me think that I can be patient with her once I 'get' her?

It sounds overwhelming, but I think I am comforted by the fact that transformation is an ongoing thing. We may be in a mess that takes years to untangle but the preparation work can well mean that we try to make real progress in these issues. I guess that's what preparation really mean.

Given all these, I guess I am not yet the person whom the person I am looking at is looking for. More work remains to be done.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Parable of the 'Good Samaritan'

Of Teaching and Learning

Iakobou Epistode: From Confusion to Clarity