The Right Person Myth

Sometime back, I posted my understanding of a godly BGR here. In it, I expounded on Issac and Rebekah and argued for certain principles from the bible that are useful for us to follow, in order to honor God in a relationship between man and woman. Of course, part of the principles looked at the criteria that one should watch out for in a life partner. What I have never made clear enough is the fact that while we look out for these criteria, we need to bear in mind that we will be judged by the same criteria as well. 

You see, I think I agree with the point that seldom does it state in the bible that God has the perfect one or the right one for us. Garry Friesman, in his book on Decision Making and the Will of God, argued that if God, in His sovereignty, has such an idea in mind, then probably most of us are destroying God's sovereign plan, as it just takes one person to marry the wrong person to set a whole series of mistake in chain. Then, we need to ask ourselves, is this really the case? Does God's plan really depend on us making the correct choice to work? I cannot deny that at certain point in certain time, God intervenes to ensure the right guy marry the right girl, as in the case of Issac and Rebekah (but then there are a lot of principles being worked out here for God to work), as in the case of Ruth and Boaz, as in the case of maybe even Joseph and Mary. But most of time, we do not see in the bible that God intervenes that directly into other's love life and dictating who they should marry. In fact, in the case of Solomon and David, it almost seems that God wasn't even involved in the decision making process, but this did not stop the eventual coming of the Messiah. 

An yet a lot of us have the mentality of the 'right person'. How many times do we see a relationship that violates biblical principles in church and the couples have the cheek to tell us that 'he's the right guy' or 'I'm sure she is the one', only to realise that they will break up in a few months time. Perhaps the problem is not with the 'right person'. The bible does instruct us on the kind of person that we should look out in our marriage, but these are broad guidelines, which I think almost every sisters in the church fulfills. Beyond that, what's next? This is where the bible stops, but hold on, we realise that it talks a lot about what kind of husbands/wives we should be. In fact, I will see that the whole talk about molding our characters as part of the process of becoming the right person whom the right person is seeking for.

Put it this way, we are looking for the right person, but do we prepare to become the right person? Do we know how to love other people or do we 'love' out of our own self-interest and personal self-gratification? Jesus said, "Love one another as I have loved you". This is the standard of love that He has set for us. And this is the standard that I found out I lacked in previously. Jesus set us a standard with Himself as a basis, and that is high because He loves us so much that He went to the cross. And I wonder how many of us are willing to go to the cross for our supposedly loved one... after the chemistry ends. The church has a wonderful saying, two lonely persons coming together only make a lonely couple. By extension, two persons who dun know how to love will only come together as an unloving couple. As Andy Stanley has once mentioned, make love a verb. It is supposed to be an action verb, and let it remain as such, instead of making it a noun. 

I am only stating one example on how we can prepare ourselves as the right person. The key is that as we prepare ourselves to be the right person whom our right person is looking for, we start to realise that we are able to see past external factors and learn how to filter accordingly down to the 'right person'. 

Does this mean I dun believe that there is the 'right person' out there? I think I will just state that God has proven in history that He will bring a couple together so long it is strategically important enough for Him to intervene directly. But history has also proven to me that in such instances, the preparation work would have been done beforehand, and the couple would have been prepared enough to play that kind of role in His plans. These are by far few, but they do happen. Yet, till the day He shows me that, I will take it that it is up to me to prepare myself for the bride that is to come, whoever she may be. Right person? Maybe. Even if no, a process embedded with biblical principles will lead us to a suitable partner. This is my faith in Him.