Helper or Leader

There was a testimony shared on Saturday service which intrigued me. It was the testimony of a sister whom God has spoken to. Encouraging but one point which she made captured my attention. She mentioned that after she responded to God's call, she was thinking that God would give her a helper (translation: husband) and she began to look around but found none.

And I would argue that the reason why there was none is because she was looking for the wrong thing. In the first place, God created woman as the helper for man, not the other way round (Gen 2:18). This means one thing: within a family, the man is called by God to lead and take the initiative, not the woman. The woman is called to support the man within the family. I actually argued that it is precisely this cognizance of the woman's calling that the woman should base on in her search for life partner, as all the boundaries and parameters will be defined based on that premise. Simply put it, to go against God's creation order would spell potential disasters for the future of the relationship.

That being said, I am by no means a MCP. But I must say that I am pretty hardcore about this. In fact, by arguing for this, I am not putting sisters down but rather, raising the bar for brothers. The reverse is true, that God calls the man to lead, and they better lead. One of the complaints we hear in church so often is that the guys are not leading and I concur with that. I feel sad when I see guys not taking up their mantle of leadership both within and without the church. (But I must qualify, not every guy in the church is like that.) The pattern of leadership and taking initiative ought to fall on the guys, not the women. Note that I said 'pattern' because there should be a pattern formed, but it doesn't necessarily mean all the time the guys need to take the initiatives which some sisters have contended with me before.

But this is a fairly controversial issue to be discussed at length here, and I suspect that Christian feminists will come after my head for the arguments made here. Yet, this is what I read from the Bible and gained from reading other related literatures. My research into books on Christian relationships has mainly supported this as well. In any case, I shall stop here. Feel free to ask me for my paper if you want.


  1. "not every guy in the church is like that"



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