Some thoughts on Valentine Day
I had wanted to write this but till now, have not been able to find time to do. As many of us know, this year's Valentine Day falls on the 15th day of the Lunar New Year. To many Chinese, it's a double celebration of love, since it's supposedly the coinciding of the western and the Chinese V Day. Unfortunately, to the horror of many friends, I chose to spend the night with another guy friend, praying with him and spending quality time with him.
Why so? Why choose not to celebrate V Day? When I was younger, I used to find V Day a romantic idea. As I grow older, and as I see my friends engaging in mercenary trade during V Day, I realised that things actually get more expensive during V Day. There is a problem here. The flowers that the guy can normally get for cheaper price, he's getting it at more expensive price, just because people celebrate love that day. Likewise for the many soft toys and blinks blinks that guys will get for the girls. Furthermore, if someone is going to bring his girlfriend out for dinner, everywhere will be packed and all the set meals get more expensive. From a cost perspective, it is simply not economical for the guy to celebrate V Day with his girl.
I can foresee some girls will berate me for not making the effort to make my girl feel special (assuming I have one). But honestly, if your girlfriend needs you to make her feel special on V Day, then my argument is that you have failed as a guy. The idea I have is this: that the guy ought to make the girl feel special everyday, not through big things but through the small things that the guy can do for the girl. A girl who still insists on feeling special on V Day despite all these should be dumped, cos chances are that she is not contented with what you are doing for her at the moment and likelihood of demand of specialness will go up as time goes by. Therefore, from a love perspective, it becomes very stupid to celebrate V Day just to make her feel special.
So guys, if the girl forces you to make her special that V day, you might have failed.
Disclaimer again: this does not mean that she is not special. If she is special enough, the guy will respond to reflect her specialness on a regular basis and there is simply no need for occasions to specially make her feel special.
This brings me to another reflection. I recently read this article on this guy who got cancer and decided to propose to his girlfriend even though he has six months to live.. On top of this, I have been reflecting on death a lot as well, not to mention my lecturer talked about funerals and extra-marital affairs during last night lesson on pastoral ministries. (I suppose there is a co-relations between the number of extra marital affairs and funerals... just joking) In the lesson, we discussed about how we should create memories for our future generations and how men should learn to appreciate their wives and not neglect them. I respect this guy for making the effort for what he has done, but it just came to my mind and I ask why on earth do we want to give our loved ones the best time of their lives only when we have limited time left on earth, or rather when our end on earth became a foreseeable future? Shouldn't it be the case that we appreciate and not take for granted our significant others on a daily and regular basis?
I know that this comes out from a guy who does not have much experience in long term relationship. I know that sometimes, after a long while, a new relationship will reach a point when things seems mundane. But my readings over the past few weeks seem to suggest that couples need to learn to enjoy the mundane things in life together. While the chances of us reaching that 'mundane' point after sometime increase as time goes by, surely there must be room for us to continue to appreciate one another and make sure that we enjoy our times together, that we continue to create that shared memories together.
Oh well, I should stop here for now.
Why so? Why choose not to celebrate V Day? When I was younger, I used to find V Day a romantic idea. As I grow older, and as I see my friends engaging in mercenary trade during V Day, I realised that things actually get more expensive during V Day. There is a problem here. The flowers that the guy can normally get for cheaper price, he's getting it at more expensive price, just because people celebrate love that day. Likewise for the many soft toys and blinks blinks that guys will get for the girls. Furthermore, if someone is going to bring his girlfriend out for dinner, everywhere will be packed and all the set meals get more expensive. From a cost perspective, it is simply not economical for the guy to celebrate V Day with his girl.
I can foresee some girls will berate me for not making the effort to make my girl feel special (assuming I have one). But honestly, if your girlfriend needs you to make her feel special on V Day, then my argument is that you have failed as a guy. The idea I have is this: that the guy ought to make the girl feel special everyday, not through big things but through the small things that the guy can do for the girl. A girl who still insists on feeling special on V Day despite all these should be dumped, cos chances are that she is not contented with what you are doing for her at the moment and likelihood of demand of specialness will go up as time goes by. Therefore, from a love perspective, it becomes very stupid to celebrate V Day just to make her feel special.
So guys, if the girl forces you to make her special that V day, you might have failed.
Disclaimer again: this does not mean that she is not special. If she is special enough, the guy will respond to reflect her specialness on a regular basis and there is simply no need for occasions to specially make her feel special.
This brings me to another reflection. I recently read this article on this guy who got cancer and decided to propose to his girlfriend even though he has six months to live.. On top of this, I have been reflecting on death a lot as well, not to mention my lecturer talked about funerals and extra-marital affairs during last night lesson on pastoral ministries. (I suppose there is a co-relations between the number of extra marital affairs and funerals... just joking) In the lesson, we discussed about how we should create memories for our future generations and how men should learn to appreciate their wives and not neglect them. I respect this guy for making the effort for what he has done, but it just came to my mind and I ask why on earth do we want to give our loved ones the best time of their lives only when we have limited time left on earth, or rather when our end on earth became a foreseeable future? Shouldn't it be the case that we appreciate and not take for granted our significant others on a daily and regular basis?
I know that this comes out from a guy who does not have much experience in long term relationship. I know that sometimes, after a long while, a new relationship will reach a point when things seems mundane. But my readings over the past few weeks seem to suggest that couples need to learn to enjoy the mundane things in life together. While the chances of us reaching that 'mundane' point after sometime increase as time goes by, surely there must be room for us to continue to appreciate one another and make sure that we enjoy our times together, that we continue to create that shared memories together.
Oh well, I should stop here for now.
I agree with "the guy ought to make the girl feel special everyday." Just wanted to add that it should be natural, and not intentional.
ReplyDeleteMaxim #1: Romance is neither desperation nor neediness. Hence, romance is the choosing of another even though one has options.
Maxim #2: If a girl truly loves a guy, every gesture is romantic. So if a girl feels that he has to make her feel special, he has already failed (a modification of your claim). And vice versa.
She is not special. Objectively, differences between women are a matter of degree, and are not categorical differences. She is chosen, not because she is the One, but because she is better than the rest. To think otherwise is to damage your own relationship by making yourself more needy than you should be.
Similarly, you are not special. The differences between men are a matter of degree, and are not categorical differences. Keep improving yourself, or you will lose respect for yourself, *and hence* that of your partner.
"couples need to learn to enjoy the mundane things in life together" could be better phrased as love makes even mundane things enjoyable. Mundanity enters life because of logistical difficulties and the formation of the family vocation. But love transforms mundanity (see Maxim #2). However, why choose to transform mundanity when you can live the life you want, and transform it with love?