The assumption of our relationship
http://mothership.sg/2014/03/12-things-not-to-say-to-a-twenty-something-who-just-broke-up/
I chanced upon this article earlier on. I am no expert in the area of breaking up (and by grace, I pray that I nor the people around me will never experience that agony). But reading this article, it seems to me that the article itself tells of the assumption that we have in this world with regard to relationship.
The title alone seems to suggest that it is normal for a 20-something to break up. To each his own viewpoint, but I find it disturbing that we are coming out with a list of what not to say to people when they break up. It first and foremost betrays the emotions that a person has to go through in his break-up and thus begs the questions why even bother to go through such pain in the first place. In fact, is it even necessary to go through such pain and emotional trauma? That, may I suggest, is precisely the reason why Joshua Harris (a much maligned Christian author) wrote "I kissed Dating Goodbye". At the heart of the book is really to encourage his readers not to take this area of their relationship frivolously and to firstly focus on their relationship with God. Coming back thus to the original point, should it be normal to break up? Does the old tale that having multiple relationships allow you to find what you want and gain experience hold true?
Let's dwell deeper. I reckoned that a lot of people gained a lot of 'experience' through multiple dating episodes and thus have used these experience to find out what they do want in their lives. However, one might want to ask if the price paid is too high for an investment such as this. I once heard a preacher say, "Your present, which will be your past, will come back and haunt you in the future." I find this quite true, having experienced this myself. So it really means that in our current stage of our lives (addressing to singles and the unmarried), we need to be prudent and watch our steps. After all, the simple believes anything but the prudent gives thoughts to their steps. I used to be simple, so I know. It is simply not prudent if we hold on to the old thinking that multiple relationships help us gain experience. We leave a trail of destruction (emotional at least) in our lives and in other people's lives as well.
Ok, enough said on that.
So I take the stand that I do not need a lot of dating episodes to find out what I want. And I believe that part of the answer to this path can be found in friendship. It is in my belief system that a relationship (the romantic type) finds its foundation in friendship. Even when a couple is deeply in love, they need to spend efforts in building their friendship. This is a consistent message that a lot of married people have been telling me. And I see this in my own life, how friendship helps to propel relationships forward and stablise them. Hence, I do believe, in the old fashion way, that it is generally not wise to get into a relationship without at least a foundation of friendship or without a plan to build friendship in mind. After all, if the two is to become one, then the relationship cannot solely rely on passion nor the physical side of the house.
I have more to say but I will leave it at that for the moment.
I chanced upon this article earlier on. I am no expert in the area of breaking up (and by grace, I pray that I nor the people around me will never experience that agony). But reading this article, it seems to me that the article itself tells of the assumption that we have in this world with regard to relationship.
The title alone seems to suggest that it is normal for a 20-something to break up. To each his own viewpoint, but I find it disturbing that we are coming out with a list of what not to say to people when they break up. It first and foremost betrays the emotions that a person has to go through in his break-up and thus begs the questions why even bother to go through such pain in the first place. In fact, is it even necessary to go through such pain and emotional trauma? That, may I suggest, is precisely the reason why Joshua Harris (a much maligned Christian author) wrote "I kissed Dating Goodbye". At the heart of the book is really to encourage his readers not to take this area of their relationship frivolously and to firstly focus on their relationship with God. Coming back thus to the original point, should it be normal to break up? Does the old tale that having multiple relationships allow you to find what you want and gain experience hold true?
Let's dwell deeper. I reckoned that a lot of people gained a lot of 'experience' through multiple dating episodes and thus have used these experience to find out what they do want in their lives. However, one might want to ask if the price paid is too high for an investment such as this. I once heard a preacher say, "Your present, which will be your past, will come back and haunt you in the future." I find this quite true, having experienced this myself. So it really means that in our current stage of our lives (addressing to singles and the unmarried), we need to be prudent and watch our steps. After all, the simple believes anything but the prudent gives thoughts to their steps. I used to be simple, so I know. It is simply not prudent if we hold on to the old thinking that multiple relationships help us gain experience. We leave a trail of destruction (emotional at least) in our lives and in other people's lives as well.
Ok, enough said on that.
So I take the stand that I do not need a lot of dating episodes to find out what I want. And I believe that part of the answer to this path can be found in friendship. It is in my belief system that a relationship (the romantic type) finds its foundation in friendship. Even when a couple is deeply in love, they need to spend efforts in building their friendship. This is a consistent message that a lot of married people have been telling me. And I see this in my own life, how friendship helps to propel relationships forward and stablise them. Hence, I do believe, in the old fashion way, that it is generally not wise to get into a relationship without at least a foundation of friendship or without a plan to build friendship in mind. After all, if the two is to become one, then the relationship cannot solely rely on passion nor the physical side of the house.
I have more to say but I will leave it at that for the moment.
I agree with you that we should not trivialise dating relationships. But on the other hand, given the plethora of information and choice today, it is important to calibrate one's reluctance to break up dating relationships. For doing so is to potentially trivialise marriage relationships.
ReplyDeleteThink about it.