The reflecting theologian

Who are you??? 'I am Huanyan...' No, I don't want to know what's your name, I wanna know who you are. 'I am the son of my father and mother...' No no no, I don't wanna know whose chidren you are, just anwser the the damn question.... who are you??? 'I am a NUS student...' Nope, I dun wanna know what are you doing now. Who are you, why are you different from the person you are sitting beside? Why? 'I am ....' Who are you? To my dear readers, have you ever thought of this really profound question? Not in a philo sense, but who and what we really are is actually the result of our decisions and thoughts over the years. Think about it....you are a NUS student, not because people tell you that you must become a NUS student, but it's because you chose to become a NUS student. Most of us are not really successful today, all due to the decisions and choices we made. That's who we really are - the result of our thoughts, beliefs and decisions a...

29 July I had the most boring orientation I ever had in my life. The Arts Oweek 2005 is damn boring. To start with, the groups are too big for people to gel together. Secondly, most of the councillors were having fun with themselves, not with the freshmen. Thirdly their leadership really sucks, they totally dun have the calibre to bring out the spirit... especially when Charmaine Wang(yes! I mention names now cos I was so irritated) say 'Yeah'!!!! 'Are you from Achar? YEAH!!!' 'You from Atapchee??? YEAH!!!' 'You are the first two to come. YEAH!!!' 'Why look so bored??? YEAH!!!!' Come on lah, I know you wanna be enthu, but aku think that you are still a hundred years too early. Go and train more then come back and try to motivate me. A Apparently, to those who has attended the ACTStrinsic Camp, the Arts Oweek is nothing, totally zil compared to it. Think they should go and attend GEN ACTS events then they can understand. Luckily siam before I reac...

Something which happened recently kinda triggered me today. It's regarding the NKF saga, which I'm beginning to feel quite irritated about. People are saying that 'as a charity organisation', they dun approve of the way they operate and they dun like the fact that the director is receiving so much money as their salary and they dun like the fact that employees are receiving so much bonus. People dun like their successes in fund raising and they dun like the extravagant way of their office and headquarters. But then, do you view NKF as a charity organisation, therefore you dun approve of all these? To me, NKF is NOT a charity, it is a social enterprise, that's why I feel that it has a right to operate the way it was and has every right to do what it was doing. I feel that it operates in a way which all charity organisations should learn from. When they approach companies to sponsor them, they basically provide values for the companies. It becomes a win-win situation,...

A weekend in Genting and a day for matriculation, it's time to really start working... on my blog????? Genting has been very fun, tawning for 3 nights since friday. Got to know quite a lot of people and glad that I get to know those I know even better. Got to see the other side of CY, got to know YK, Gilby, ZQ, WQ, MQ, AB, Jassy, KR better. Got to know this new person called LJ, ZQ's sister. Quite a crazy girl I must admit. The first day of our trip begins with a long and a little boring trip to the highland. Basically everyone fell asleep in the bus since we all tawned the previous night. But I know that people began to get excited when we are reaching, especially Gilby. The weather there is fantastic. As I always say, the climate there is so good for studying, just sit at the Starbucks or Coffeebean, get a hot cafe latte and sit at the outside, and get your notes. Perfect sia. When we checked in... btw, I was in the same room with MQ, we had only an hour to prepare for dinner...

Yo, just taking the time update my blog for a while. I'll be going to Genting in about 1.5 hours time and I dun think I'll be updating till tuesday. A really intriguing question just strucked me. It's a question which has been bugging me since young, only that I realise it until a few days ago. Who is the one who determines what is right and what is wrong? Yes, it's related to the questions I have brought myself to answer a few days ago. From young,I have been arguing with my parents that whatever they say is just whatever they say. They can talk a lot of stuff and they can talk big but it's just whatever they say. Why is it that what they should be right and what I say should be wrong. In actual, I have been questioning this for years but I didn't know that I'm doing so. This really reminds me of the saying that I have spoke of in the previous post : 'The winner is the king and the loser is the thief' I believe that the rights and wrongs that we kn...

Been a tiring day. Been out for QET today, a really easy and stupid paper. And also failed to apply for my NUS bus concessionary card due to some stupid reasons. Went to play badminton and basketball with friends after that, whoa, what a tiring experience. I was like... almost dead.... cos I played three sets of basketball games, each 6v9, I have to like defend against 7 oppositions by myself. Shacked sia. Today is also quite an intriguing day. I am asked this question, with relation to the post about the criminal. Is there such a thing as an absolute Truth. Does relativity really exist? Before I actually answer this, I would like to emphasize that my opinion is largely influenced by an ancient philosopher called Lao Zi and after years of readings. Lao Zi once said something like this: 'In order for something to exist, there must be 'nothing' first.' For me, there is really something called the absolute Truth, after a lot of thinking and ... thinking. That absolute Tru...

'When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low, and the debts are high, And when you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest if you must, but don't you quit. Life is odd with its twists and turns, As everyone of us sometimes learns And many a failure turns about, When he might have won had he stuck it out, Don't give up though the pace seems slow You may succeed with another blow Success is failure turned inside out, The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are. It may be near when it seems do far. So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit. It's when things seem worst That you must not quit' - Unknown I think this is a meaningful poem, so I wanna share with my readers. I know this poem on 14/02/2005, Valentine Day. It has been guiding me along since then. One of my guiding principle: Don't give up. Giving ...

Finally, a brand new day starts. What will happen now, with so many exciting things waiting for me to do??? I know deep down in the core of my life, something will not change. The only thing that will change is the way I operate my life. I was planning my timetable in the morning, discussed with XY and Ken about our timetable and what subjects we wanna take together. It seems that I'm going to meet up with Ken most of the time, since we are taking 4 modules together. But I do feel that my timetable is fairly good, considering I managed to free up my Wednesday and Friday. I think I'll stick with it for the time being, unless something crop up during my bidding. Wanted to cheat a bit and take LAJ1201, a japanese lang module but then it's a choice between doing an UE and doing a GEM, which this case is GEK1505, living with mathematics. I'm still thinking what breadth modules to take... maybe math modules, since I'm fairly good in math. Must start planning my route to t...

Strangely, the idea of friendship suddenly crossed my mind as I was walking down to buy some books at Popular... Exactly what consititute a friendship? People can know each other for years and yet still remain the status of aquaintance. At the same time, people can just know each other for a few seconds and instantly become good buddies. Such situations happen to everyone, including me. Is it because out of a sudden, something in common just struck the both of us that we have so much to talk about? Or is it just the sudden chemistry? Or is it just fate? This leads me to a group of friends whom I know for about 1 month, the group of people who are there with me during my Gen Acts experience for the past few weeks, the 'sixy' gang. Practically, we seem to meet up almost everyday, but then, is there something still lacking in our friendship? I know for sure that my core values are totally different from everyone of them, after talking extensively about myself. I dun expect my frie...

Note: this entry is posted on the 18/7/2005 0010hrs. Midnight just passed... she's 21 now and I think I'll let it pass... Not a good way for me to remember her though. Yesterday was quite an exciting day for me. Finally, my first chance going on stage to perform a solo number in front of an audience. I woke up in the morning 0630hrs, and saw rains.... it was nice to sleep... but I had a performance to take care of. Went to Clark Quay in the morning to meet up with the rest of the group for one final round of rehearsal. Too bad, Kavita couldn't make it, but hope she's feeling better now. Gen Acts Idol was the event of the day at Liang Court. The beginning was quite interesting, the solo singers from the first five groups were good and their group performance was also 'there'... though I think my group performance is even more 'there'. I was bascially quite nervious when I was performing my solo, but I got high eventually, think I really put up an impressi...

Opps, am I still thinking of her again? I thought I have forgotten all about her... Does she still hold a place in my heart? I dun get jealous when I see her boyfriend, but then... seeing her... really makes me feel so .... Am I supposed to put her off again somewhere in my heart and then when another time comes, she just appears and shoves me off mercilessly???? Am I gonna let her do that to me again, although i know that she's not doing it intentionally? When will be the time, when will the other one come to totally take over her place in my heart? Whatever, I do promise myself if that 'other one' comes, I'll do whatever thing within my ability to do what I should do and not let her go. Enough for matters of the heart. It's something I can really never get by. Tomorrow may prove to be fulfilling day for me. Finally have a chance to go up stage and perform. How exciting. Hopefully I cna perform well and not cock up like always. You know, there's one thing that ...

One moment please..., a moment for myself to reflect, upon my life, upon my whole self, upon my doings. How have life around me affected me? How have the people influenced me to where I am today? Since young, I was such a jerk..., yeah... a jerk. Selfish or what, arrogant or what, short temper or what.... But have I changed since then? I thought maybe... yeah... maybe that part of me is still inside me. KG once said that she preferred herself some four years ago and she didn't want to see herself to be the 'now her'. I was sad when I heard that. Then, I realised that she is not actually seeing the whole thing, in fact none can really see. She did improve a lot since we first met but at the very core, she's still the same person I know four years ago. I realise, no one can really change who he/she is, cos at the very core, it's still us we are talking about. The chinese has a saying, '江山易改，本性难移'. Our very true nature may well still reside in us no matter how ...

Come on, if things wanna turn out like that, am I at fault? Why am I blamed for something which I didn't even started or wanted to get involved? Aiyo, dun wanna talk about it. I just wanna do what I should do and get over with it. I'm beginning to like performing, though I do consider myself to be a very emotional performer.... but life is like a stage, issn't it? Then again, what is life anyway? Is what I am seeing all real, or is it just a fabrication of my mind? To eat the red pill or the blue pill....hmm..., I dun know which one is which. What if all this while, everything around is just a show.... can't be possible, right? But after studying so much Gothic and post modernism, why not? Since what I see is what my brain perceives. Fruit for thoughts sia. But anyway, shadow is the darkest where the light is the brightest. It's always the darkest before dawn. Guess when clarity of life is concerned, there must always exist confusion....

I like music sia. I like singing even more. The event on Sunday will allow me to do so. Got a lot of singing to do, finally can do some Jay stunts..., hahaha. But really, they truly pointed out that my style is more towards rapping, though I normally prefer slow songs. But today really got a chance to 建立梦想, what I'll be in four years time. But it led to an even deeper thought- what I wanna see myself in four years time. Will I just be another same NUS student as others, or will I be something more than that. My dear biz certainly will serve me more but I want to make it big not only there. In other aspects and areas also. But really, everything is looking bright now. Hopefully everything will go into place in the coming weeks. Hahaha, for those reading, watch and see.

Wow, I just completed my new template for this blog. Quite cool sia. And it doesn't look so bad on Firefox too. Good good. Will update this more often from now on. Till then, there is something I would like to end off. William Wallace once said: Every man dies but not every man lives. I think I said this before in my previous post but I would like to say this again. I wanna live my life to the fullest, and not die regret what I have not done. That's why I'm doing everything I can to achieve my own target. Today was really one day when I really rethink about this and reaffirm myself. Well, I sometimes just wonder if my friends do really think of that. I know for certain that some, in particular to some ppl (I refuse to name them), had certainly no idea what they are living for. I dun blame them but I just couldn't bear seeing them waste their life away... haizz....

Have been quite a long time since I last updated my blog.... About 10 months or so, I dun know. A lot has happened since the last post.... of course, 10 months leh. Siaoz!! The end of 2004 was quite a boring and exciting time for me. Biz was actually picking up.... apparently but with certain setbacks of course. I could never imagine that people can be so low confident that they are scared of doing anything, despite the fact that they need to do something. I won't spell names but really, people were weird. Camp life then was a bit strange, better that 2003, but kena forced to clear my offs and leaves which, although I didn't want to, I was glad that I did. January 2005 was quite a miserable and yet unusual time for me. Got attached to Sungei Gedung for a month of duty, with LL again. Really ll sia. Sungei some more, though it was near my place but really arh, that place also quite ulu. Been through a sad birthday in camp. On the bright side, i was hoping that I can start cleari...